The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
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