It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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