So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Randomize
