sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Randomize
