no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Randomize
