she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
