a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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