The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Randomize
