oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
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