It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
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