i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize