did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
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