The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Randomize
