so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
