Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
