okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
