haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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