What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I'm always down for nudity.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
