fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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