based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
