is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize