No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
