I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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