im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
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