just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
