working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
