if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize