My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
