Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
