Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
