Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
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