You can't special order awesome
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Randomize
