i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Randomize
