I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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