We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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