you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
