DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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