You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
