Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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