i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I should be sponsored by Trojan
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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