thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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