I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
