So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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