i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
