Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
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