I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
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