i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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