I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
