Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Randomize
