Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Randomize
