They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
