never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
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