im about as happy as oj after his trial
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize
