no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize