i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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