I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
