Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
MIDGETS
????
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
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