It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
