Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
