After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
