Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Randomize
