Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Girls should come with a carfax report
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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