when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
