There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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