When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
