You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
