so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
You are the jesus of drinking
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
