maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
