my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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