haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
