Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
You were trust falling into bushes
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
