in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
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