my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
