Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
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