The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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