I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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