I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Randomize
