party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
accomplished twins. life is a go
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
