She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Randomize
