Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
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