I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Randomize
