umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
