I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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