Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Randomize
