i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Randomize
