Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
True strength comes from lack of pants
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Drunk is a universal language darling
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
