All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
