I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
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