thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize
