I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize