i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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