Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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