I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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