Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
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