Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
