but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Randomize
