I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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