If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
