I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
