Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize