i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
