I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
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