Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize